I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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