Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
