dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.