I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
