even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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