i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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