ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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