just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
