I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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