guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
