i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
