I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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