you would pick up someone in the library
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
