peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
