Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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