woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
