I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Even my vagina gasped.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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