drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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