you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
