omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
