I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
