Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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