Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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