dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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