For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
