so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
