mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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