Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
