I forgot how hot balto sounded
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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