Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
