I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
