i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
