Your favorite bartender is back from prision
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
