You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.