Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp