Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas

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  (917): I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas http://tfl.nu/eh4r
  Replies (58) Good night (1221) Bad night (6228)
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  (858): View more from California

  I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking

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  (858): I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking http://tfl.nu/c48d
  Replies (9) Good night (758) Bad night (2480)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system

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  (608): buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system http://tfl.nu/p1zb
  Replies (8) Good night (2857) Bad night (647)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

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  (425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange. http://tfl.nu/6ccw
  Replies (19) Good night (1416) Bad night (5641)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

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  (561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si
  Replies (11) Good night (3475) Bad night (1457)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out

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  (508): he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out http://tfl.nu/cxh0
  Replies (8) Good night (4136) Bad night (982)
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  (510): View more from California

  Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

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  (510): Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day. http://tfl.nu/kbev
  Replies (7) Good night (1496) Bad night (2740)
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes

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  (+31): Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes http://tfl.nu/ymlt
  Replies (6) Good night (1044) Bad night (3795)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am

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  (716): I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am http://tfl.nu/oz9f
  Replies (5) Good night (3448) Bad night (1413)
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  (805): View more from California

  Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.

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  (805): Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea. http://tfl.nu/87ng
  Replies (6) Good night (898) Bad night (1777)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.

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  (937): Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like. http://tfl.nu/1ho6
  Replies (14) Good night (1388) Bad night (3518)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Look at your life. Look at your choices.

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  (305): Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up! (216): Look at your life. Look at your choices. http://tfl.nu/vob0
  Replies (7) Good night (1332) Bad night (782)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.

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  (210): I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do. http://tfl.nu/dd4u
  Replies (3) Good night (794) Bad night (597)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other

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  (803): I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other http://tfl.nu/gz8l
  Replies (5) Good night (742) Bad night (385)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.

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  (315): I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun. http://tfl.nu/dmt9
  Replies (4) Good night (501) Bad night (325)

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