i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.