took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The beer is more important than you right now.
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer