careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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