Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
