Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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