Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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