I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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