from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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