I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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