I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
