i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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