If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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