My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
