Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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