Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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