4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
