If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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