She is in my trunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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