so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I forget how to act sober
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
