I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
