Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
