I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
