like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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