Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Barsexuality is the new black.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
