Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize