Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
