This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
