evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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