All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
false alarm, still single
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