I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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