Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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